Monday, April 11, 2011

Awkward by Nature Pt. 2: Keeps Getting Better

Scene: Friday night. I'm out at Andrew Blair's with my ladies, doing our usual fraps and scoping for dudes. (I was also having some skinnygirl margs, so you better believe I was tearing.it.UP. on the dancefloor.)

Sigh. All of the dudes were certifiable midgets super short and unattractive. Except one.

He looked strangely familiar.

You see, back in the fall I was on a free dating website called Plentyoffish. (Ever heard the saying "you get what you pay for"? It's true.) For the most part, none of the guys had a high school diploma...so, not really on my "level". There was one guy though, who was tall, handsome, and used to play football for the Florida Gators. I mean, I was ready to tattoo his name on my ring finger upon reading his profile. We emailed back and forth a few times before fate intervened and we randomly ran into each other in person (I was on the dancefloor that time too...figures). We chatted, I drooled over his height (6'5), and he got my number and asked if he could take me out.

Aaaand then I never heard from him. Or saw him again, until he showed up at Andrew Blair's.

The biggest problem was this: between his height and my height we were the tallest people there. I desperately tried to avoid eye contact while wishing I was 5'1 so that
1) I would be able to hide in the crowd, and
2) I would be able to date one of the other runts at this bar

Then he was talking to a skinny bitch with a Bump-It in her hair, which made me feel a lot better. I mean, if he likes girls who wear Bump-Its for any other reason than dressing up as Snooki for Halloween, I'm not really his type. (See: classy.)

So there goes the one man in Charlotte who is taller than me. My question is: are men getting shorter or are we getting taller? It's not like I play on a women's volleyball team or something, and I very rarely wear heels. Yet my 5'8 stature apparently means I'm an Amazon woman. Sigh. Where have all the tall guys gone?

P.S. Inebriation is no excuse for this sort of public makeout session...(plus it wasn't even midnight at this point).

Who raised you? Wolves?

6 comments:

Adrienne said...

I feel your pain - or I did feel your pain, for years before I met my husband. I am 6'2" - try finding a guy taller than yourself when you're that tall. It was hard. So hard that I stopped caring about men's height. I was engaged to a guy who was 5'9" on a good day. And had another boyfriend who was 5'10". I finally met my husband, who is 6'7" when I was 31. My running and worn out joke it that I married him for his height. But really, it was just icing on the cake. I would have married him if he was 5'7".

6'5" guy sounds like he gets around. Is that him being really classy with that chick in the picture?

You never know - you may meet the perfect guy for you and not care that he's only your height - or shorter.

Alyssa @ Life of bLyss said...

I adore you for capturing this highly intimate moment in the middle of a dance floor. Always so appropriate and classy. What do they do when they get home?

Haughty by Nature said...

Adrienne, this comment is so awesome. Thanks for reminding me what's waiting for me when I get done weeding through the losers!

Haughty by Nature said...

Alyssa, I don't even want to think about it.

andrew said...

That guy is probably a phrenologist. He is feeling the bumps on her head to find out about her character. PFFT!! I hope you threw a quarter at them and told them to get a room.

Allison Rice said...

OMG this post is too funny. (BTW, i <3 the dance floor.... and used to love going to Andrew Blairs before i became a grandma [read: grad school])

BTW... i'm (a little over) 5'8, too!!!

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