Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I've Got Friends with Lake Places

'Cause I got friends with low lake places,
Where the whiskey drowns,
And the beer chases my blues away,
But I'll be okay,
Now I'm not big on social graces,
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis,
Oh I got friends,
With low lake places.

Ok, so I'm not drowning anything in whiskey, but that could also be because it's summertime and all my blues are currently at home with their parents until school starts back again. 

But still, it's great to have friends with a lake house, especially when you're staying there during a week-long professional development in a windowless, florescently-lit room: 
That's right people. Teachers work in the summertime. However, it's a new experience to go to "work" from 9-5, come home, and not have anything to do except....

make dinner.... 
Find the recipe on The Preppy Vegan

....take a bubble bath....
This happened. And it? Was glorious.
....hang out with your friends....
This makes it look like I have one friend. I promise there are more.

....or play with your new (free) iPad 3.....
We were gifted iPad3's for committing to participate in the professional development program for the next 2 year. Suh-weet! And yes I already have a Lilly background.
Oh and then there's the whole sitting on the back porch and staring at the lake thing too. Super fun.

There is a downside to being out here in nature, which is that the spotty internet caused our viewing of the Bachelorette to be, uh, slow at best. (As in: it had to buffer for 30 seconds for every 15 seconds it played. Sigh.) However, we are crazy aren't fair weather fans, so we withstood it for all of 30 minutes before we realized it was going to take us 3 hours to watch a 90 minute episode. (Rude.) Hopefully it will have buffered by like, next Monday. No guarantees.

Don't forget to follow me on Pinterest for lots of summer goodies! (Because it's summer and I now have time for social media.)

I'm off to the day job....have a fabulous Wednesday!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Say Yes to the Dress Pt. 2

After our traumatic long day of filming Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids, we decided to rejuvenate ourselves via margaritas and tortilla chips before heading back to Bridals by Lori so that Caroline (the bride) could try on some dresses for herself. (Semi-important for the bride to have a dress? I like to think so.)

It just so happened that we also got to celebrate my boo Ashley's birthday: 
Sombrero and beer at 3pm? Same as any other day.
Despite the hope that they had gotten rid of us entirely, the consultants at Bridals by Lori were nice enough to let us come back without an appointment. (Robin was at the front desk when we walked in. Die. Die. Die.)

As fate would have it, Flo herself was our consultant. Despite how cranky I was, this made me super excited. (Seriously, those hot camera lights + knowing you are going to have to go into exile once the shows airs is seriously draining.)
My hair says everything about my current state: tired, raggedy, and just all around bad.
You want what now?
She was extremely patient with us, considering we were full of tequila dead tired and a little loopy. 

Case in point:
Cameras are off, but she's still working it. 

Checking out the bling-bling
It was waaaaay more fun to watch Caroline try on dresses than to:
1) be compared to a pregnant person while trying on dresses of your own (oh happened), and
2) stand under hot stage lights while sweat slowly beads on your upper lip

Unfortunately, we weren't allowed to take pictures while she tried on a lot of gorgeoussss gowns for ordering reasons. (And you know we ain't about to argue with Flo.) 

There was one AMAZING dress that made all of us (including mom!) tear up when she came out in it. Flo even jacked her up, resulting in more tears. Who would have thought a bunch of tulle and a beaded belt could cause that reaction? Go figure. 

She didn't end up saying yes to the dress, wisely deciding that a decision like buying your wedding gown shouldn't be made after a day as long as our. ( that point we'd been in the salon for like 10 hours.)

Caroline & Flo...BFFL? 
Verdict? Longest day of my life, but at least I wasn't at work. Oh, and I definitely need to convince Mommy and Daddy to budget a lot for my non-existent future bridal gown so that I can buy it at Bridals by Lori. Crossover show anyone? 

RHOC: Did You Just Bite My Bow?

I dread to think what I'll have to do with my summer once Real Housewives of Orange County ends next week, but I think it means I might need to, like, read books or go outside. *shudder*

For serious though. I love these bia-tches and all their hair extensioned-glory. With the exception of this one: 

Sarah. Oh, Sarah. "Friend of the Housewives" and desperate to be a cast member, you randomly appear whenever free booze is a-flowing and loooove to blog on about episodes in which you aren't even in. Chill out, sister. The OC only has room for one brunette, and it's this bitch:

Heather Dubrow: impeccably dressed, 90 lbs soaking wet, and wrote the book about being Haughty by Nature. Seriously. I continually bow down and worship her based to the amount of champagne she can consume in that tiny little body without showing the slightest hint of inebriation. Can she just have her own show?

Speaking of inebriation:

Surprise! Sarah the wannabe gets it started in the limo ride while Alexis continues to talk about....something. I think it had to do with how down to earth she is despite everyone thinking she's pretentious and fake. Hey Alexis? If people are unanimous in what they think about you, it's probably true. Juuust saying. Talking to people like Sarah who are simply warm bodies telling you what you want to hear isn't going to help.

Sidenote: Why were ALL of the women wearing fur? Despite being morally against it, I thought the benefit of California weather was that you didn't have to wear fur? Ever?

Then the Cake Incident of 2012 happens: Sarah (who else?) plucks a bow off Heather's $500 cake and chows down on it, before the cake was being served.


Gotta love Tamra's gumption. She drags that skinny b (with a tangle of hot mess for hair) right over to the cake and asks "Did you just eat the bow?"
Oh. No. You. Di'nt.
Instead of just chalking it up to the fact that she was seeing two of everyone at that point, Sarah tries to claim she has a alcohol problem "sugar problem": as in, she needs sugar from $500 cakes immediately and as soon as she desires it. I've never heard of this affliction before, but it sounds dire. I mean, what if she'd been at a party where the cake didn't have a bow? Would she have...died?

Should've stuck with the balls from the kitchen, Sarah.
I have to give the girl props for still being able to stand at this point, since the word-slurring was at an all time high. Was she sorry that she did it or mad that people were overreacting? Depends on the moment. She couldn't decide herself.

Poor Sarah. I would have broken the bow off too if it meant we could talk about something  other than how Alexis gets bullied by all the girls on the show. After 6 + hours of the I might have just stuck my entire face in the cake while screaming "MAKE IT STOP!"

Until next week: Keep your hands off the cake and ask yourself: What Would Dubrow Do?

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Say Yes to the (Bridesmaid's) Dress

Believe it: You are currently reading a blog written by the hot (haute?) new star of Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids, here to give you all of the juicy behind-the-scenes scoop in a down-to-the-minute play by play. Buckle up, people! It's going to be a long freakin' day wild ride. Here goes:

6:00 am: Rise from slumber to get hair and makeup "camera ready". This turns turns out to be eerily similar to your "everyday" makeup look, just with the addition of about 10 layers of bronzer. Winning.

7:00 am: Head down to continental breakfast, mimosa in hand. (It's to "ease the nerves", Lindsay Lohan-style.)

7:13 am: Realize that the combination of champagne + coffee is making you lightheaded and slightly woozy, which could be the perfect recipe for must-watch reality television. (See above Lindsay Lohan reference.)

7:14 am - 7:54 am: Continue with the alcohol and caffeine experiment since, if worse comes to worse, you'll still have it more together than anyone on the following reality shows: Teen Mom, True Life, Too Fat to Live, Hoarders, or I Didn't Know I was Pregnant.

8:00 am: Arrive at Bridals by Lori.

Yes, that's my thumb and yes, I was a photography major. 

As opposed to...putting a sign in my window saying "Unlocked and ready for burglary: precious jewels inside"?

8:02 am: Get ushered into the waiting area. Little do you know how much emphasis will be placed on w-a-i-t-i-n-g.
Ready for our close-up!
8:10 am: Caroline (the bride) gets pulled for an interview. Sit around and take pictures because HELLO! you are about to be on TV and these are your last moments as an anonymous nobody. Fame and fortune await you!

8:43 am: Get miked up by the awesome PA Tiffany, who is the only one we'd allow to get this up close and personal without buying us a drink first.
Work it, Tiff. Work.It.
8:46 am: Wait with bated breath as the producers start pulling people for individual interviews.This? Is your moment. 

Any. Minute.Now.
8:57 am: Continue as they call prettttty much every other bridesmaid except yourself. Can we say "saving the best for last"?

8:59 am: Niki sighting! Lovvvvve her hair, hate the fact she loves the Georgia Bulldogs. Sick.

9:04 am: Personal pep talk gives way to impatience. Start to question your own self-worth. Are other people as interesting as you? Are they funnier? Haughtier? Prettier? WHY aren't you being chosen?

9:06 am: Group shots outside for the producers to use later.

Why are Ashley's legs as straight as a ruler? It's unclear. 

9:47 am: Rationalize that TLC realizes you will totally steal the show if given any significant amount of camera time, therefore they are keeping you on the back burner. Sigh with relief.

9:48 am: But seriously. When is the interview?

9:49 am: Realize that bated breath might be a waste of time. You ain't getting no interview. Begin to pout.

9:53 am: Laurie spotting! (She asked if we'd been drinking. This woman? Really knows what's up.)

10:00 am-2:00 pm : Go back into the salon for filming, the deets of which are top secret until the episode airs! All I'll say is that at least 5 of the top 10 most embarrassing moments of my life occurred in that freakin' bridal salon. Traumatized.

2:00 pm : Cameras are off and we're shuffled back to the (sigh) waiting area while people do their final interviews. At this point you are so hungry/tired you may either chew  your own arm off or fall asleep in an upright position. Both sound equally appealing.

Despite the 10 hour day, Ashley is STILL ready for her close up. Impressed.
2:04 pm: Wait anxiously as the director starts asking all of the bridesmaids who hadn't interviewed this morning to come to the back with her. You are the last one left. You ARE about to be picked.

2:06 pm: Brandon sighting!

Heeeey Brandon, we know you just walked in the door but canyoutakeapicturewithuspleaseweloveyou!
2:37 pm: The director brings the other girls back and announces we are done for the day. Everyone can go home! Wonk wonk wonk. 

2:38 pm:  Leave Bridals by Lori and head to lunch with the girls. Destination: anywhere that serves strooong margaritas.

A few things I learned about myself in that bridal salon:

1. While I am haughty, a television personality I am not. Writing is much more up my alley.
2. I really should curl my hair if I'm going to be on camera.
3. Those Jillian Michaels videos don't work unless you actually do them.


On the bright side, the crew and consultants were amazing and couldn't have been more laid back or patient with us. (We may have, uh, chanted their names every.single.time. they walked by.) Bridals by Lori rocks!

As soon as I know when the episode will air, I'll make sure to post it so you can see if we said yes to a bridesmaid's dress!

And until then? No autographs, please.

Friday, June 15, 2012

You, Me, and a little TLC

Drum roll, please.

Thanks to my darling friend Caroline secretly applying for all of her bridesmaid to appear on the show, I'm headed to Atlanta this weekend to film.....

Fo real.

This Monday the 18th, I'll join Caroline and her ten (yes, ten) other bridesmaids at 8am, hair and makeup ready for the cameras. (Hopefully they'll have some sort of coffee IV I can inject directly into my veins. Hopefully.) I'm pretty sure I'll be one of the 'maids trying on dresses, especially since that pretty much guarantees some face time on TV. (I mean, if I'm making the 9+ hr drive, it needs to be worth it, right? Right?!?!)

Get your autographs now, people. I'm seeing this going straight to my head.

Hot Time, Summer in the...Country

181 looooooong days after I started praying for it's arrival, it finally arrived.

Yes, I was actually invited to this pool in Edenton. Yes, you should be jealous.
Sweet, sweet summer. No students. No job. No problem. (Hey, Kenny Chesney? I literally just handed you a new song title. Boom.)

While my other teaching friends are getting internships (or, uh, married) I'm spending my summer pretending that my 12 month paychecks are actually coming from my secret trust fund and allowing me to live the lazy life I've always dreamed of. 

And so far? It's glorious. Absolutely glorious. 

Instead of shouting at and corralling kids, I'm playing on Pinterest and Googling life-altering things like "Emily Maynard haircut". It wasn't even noon before I'd worked out, cleaned up, and sipped coffee on my back porch. 

And despite it's soul-crushing faults, small town life has some perks in the summertime. Case in point: today I paid a visit to the hair salon, library, and service station without leaving a one-block radius. Can we say "efficiency"?

Since I have a sick obsession fascination with Emily Maynard, I thought it would be a good idea to take this pic into the salon with me today:
Work them roses, girrrrrl.

So all of the Googling wasn't for naught. While my hair cut looks surprisingly similar, the salon unfortunately didn't provide me with veneers or a boob job, so the rest of me looks the same. Luckily, I now have endless hours to allow Jillian Micheals to whip me into Emily-like shape.

Enjoy the rat race people. I have a terribly busy day of painting my nails and tearing through magazines in front of me.

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