Friday, June 22, 2012

RHOC: Did You Just Bite My Bow?

I dread to think what I'll have to do with my summer once Real Housewives of Orange County ends next week, but I think it means I might need to, like, read books or go outside. *shudder*


For serious though. I love these bia-tches and all their hair extensioned-glory. With the exception of this one: 

Sarah. Oh, Sarah. "Friend of the Housewives" and desperate to be a cast member, you randomly appear whenever free booze is a-flowing and loooove to blog on bravotv.com about episodes in which you aren't even in. Chill out, sister. The OC only has room for one brunette, and it's this bitch:


Heather Dubrow: impeccably dressed, 90 lbs soaking wet, and wrote the book about being Haughty by Nature. Seriously. She.is.the.bomb. I continually bow down and worship her based to the amount of champagne she can consume in that tiny little body without showing the slightest hint of inebriation. Can she just have her own show?

Speaking of inebriation:

Surprise! Sarah the wannabe gets it started in the limo ride while Alexis continues to talk about....something. I think it had to do with how down to earth she is despite everyone thinking she's pretentious and fake. Hey Alexis? If people are unanimous in what they think about you, it's probably true. Juuust saying. Talking to people like Sarah who are simply warm bodies telling you what you want to hear isn't going to help.

Sidenote: Why were ALL of the women wearing fur? Despite being morally against it, I thought the benefit of California weather was that you didn't have to wear fur? Ever?

Seriously....whhhhhyyy?
Then the Cake Incident of 2012 happens: Sarah (who else?) plucks a bow off Heather's $500 cake and chows down on it, before the cake was being served.

Scusi?

Gotta love Tamra's gumption. She drags that skinny b (with a tangle of hot mess for hair) right over to the cake and asks "Did you just eat the bow?"
Oh. No. You. Di'nt.
Instead of just chalking it up to the fact that she was seeing two of everyone at that point, Sarah tries to claim she has a alcohol problem "sugar problem": as in, she needs sugar from $500 cakes immediately and as soon as she desires it. I've never heard of this affliction before, but it sounds dire. I mean, what if she'd been at a party where the cake didn't have a bow? Would she have...died?

Should've stuck with the balls from the kitchen, Sarah.
I have to give the girl props for still being able to stand at this point, since the word-slurring was at an all time high. Was she sorry that she did it or mad that people were overreacting? Depends on the moment. She couldn't decide herself.


Poor Sarah. I would have broken the bow off too if it meant we could talk about something  other than how Alexis gets bullied by all the girls on the show. After 6 + hours of the I might have just stuck my entire face in the cake while screaming "MAKE IT STOP!"

Until next week: Keep your hands off the cake and ask yourself: What Would Dubrow Do?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Witty and on point. Alexis is so dumb, she is strangely funny to watch and u know sarah is gonna get blitzed and do stupid. Heather handled is much classier than i would have. I'd have thrown alexis and sarah over the cliff.

Anonymous said...

Sarah cleary needs rehab. How could Alexis try & defend her when she took her in the bathroom & sai herself that Sarah was drunk. Oh well Alexis isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer anyway. Heather has been my fav houswive of all time. She is the realest & Sarah & Alexis are extremely jealous of her. All Sarah can do is tweet about Heathers looks calling her botox face. She's hating cause Heather is gorgeous & she's not even close 2 being on her level. Sarah bashes the looks of any other tweeter that calls her out cause that's all she can come up with...shallow. She's ugly on the inside & sadly has an alcohol prob. She's been on the show twice & made a drunken ass of herself both times. Sarah get real & get help. Alexis get some sense & watch how ignorant u look & sound on tv. Heather u & ur husband are wonderful & classy people. Everyone loves u. Ur the best.

Anonymous said...

Love it! That is all I have to say!

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