Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Online Dating: America's Finest

You guys may remember this gem of a message from my This is Why I'm Single post:

ugaboy25*

Hey there my name is J i have a bachelor of science in History from Lander University. Wanted to see if your looking for someone to hangout with or go on a date with? Would you like to chat? Just would like someone i can date that likes the same stuff i do. You seem very cool and like sports and to hang out but if you want to chat let me know im here JJ

PS Do you like horses, rodeos, horse races, wranglers jeans, jean skirts, sundresses, cowboy boots etc

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I got this Facebook message from my friend Gillian K. last night:


OH MY GOD! I was reading your post about Match.com..... that J guy from your first post of "This is why I'm single" WROTE ME THE EXACT SAME MESSAGE. There was a little added here and there, nothing of substance of course. But literally, whenever I tell anyone that I joined a few weeks ago, I always always always show them that message and tell them that in the very least, it very much provides entertainment.

Hope you're doing well! I just had to share.... Loved the PS part he includes.... and to think, I thought that message was crafted specifically for me. (kidding, obviously.)



So, naturally, I begged for her to let me post that in my blog. She kindly obliged, but then baited me with this:


Post away! I have another one that is RIDICULOUS, think romantic love letter turned novel, talking about how he "sees my soul in my smile" and how he knows that the guy that swoops me off of my feet (if not him, which naturally it will never be) will be the luckiest man in the world. Really? REALLY?


I had.to.see.this.message. So I did some more begging (all for your entertainment, gentle reader) and here it is. Read it, (if you have the time), enjoy it, love it, comment on it.


I might only have one shot at this so here we go.

I was born and raised in New England, before moving on down to Atlanta to finish up school. Now I reside in High Point. I work in sports radio, broadcasting all types of athletic games and regular sports talk.
When I am not working I absolutely enjoy traveling, reading, watching movies/television, and just being a typical twenty one year old guy.
I believe in a couple of things I believe in honesty and truth. There used to be a time when people actually spoke their mind, and said what they actually meant instead of being caught up in trying to say something that is not going to ruffle other people’s feelings or ideas. I know a lot of people say it, but I truly wear my emotions on my sleeve. If I am happy I will let you know, if I want to be left alone to have some time by myself then I will let you know as well.

My first true love is sports but a close second is history and travel. I have a secret passion to touch every single ocean and sea on the planet, and I am actually getting pretty close. Secondly, I adore history from the history of world war two to the civil war. At times both of those periods were the bravest and darkest moments in this nations history and I honestly believe that people need to understand the past to better comprehend and understand the future moving forward.

Now, your probably wondering why I have sent you this message. Even if you have read this far I would be happy knowing that. Yet, do not blame for wanting to at the very least take a shot in the dark. At our weakest points we are moved by true beauty, and the wonderment at something so intriguingly beautiful that the rest of our minds cannot resist taking a small chance that maybe we can chase down something that is truly bigger than we ourselves are. I look at you and wonder how can someone like you need a site like this, and why has the rest of the world caught on to what I see in those eyes and that smile in about a second and a half. I do look at those eyes and I see true passion that is longing for its true recognition in its counterpart in another. I look at your smile and I see innocence of love that is looking for someone who can make it beam in a permanent fashion that it just longs to do.

If I hear back from you I would absolutely love to hear from you and maybe try and talk to you. If not and at the very least have this far the only thing I can do is humbly thank you for the time you have taken to read this. Please understand how much I appreciate it, and even if I never do hear from you I do wish you incredible amount of happiness and success in trying to found that special someone. Either way whenever that times does come I now I speak for the rest of the world when I say that the guy who does scoop you up and carry you off your feet better realize how he is the luckiest man on the entire face of the planet, and that the rest of the world can be forever jealous of that guy who gets you.
Thanks for reading,
M



All I have to say is...reading that took away an hour of my life that I will never get back, but it was worth every minute. 

11 comments:

Kristen said...

If only this were well-written. "second to history and travel" was probs my biggest chuckle. Poor guy. He's too young to have these feelings. Mr. High Point, you need to get over it and go party. Write back in 5 yrs when you're more mature. :)

Anonymous said...

Bahahaha. I feel like I just read John Cusack's voiceover for a montage in his next romantic movie. - Tracy N

Alyssa @ Life of bLyss said...

oh, Ensley, you're so right.

worth. every. minute.

at least he didn't include a "P.S. wanna bang?"

Miss T said...

What is this time that the twenty one year old talks of where every one spoke their mind? 2004?

One of three things is happening here
1) He was aiming for an “A+”
2) He was totally high.
3) Its Manny from Modern Family

No offence to your friend of course – her smile must be quite something.

Haughty by Nature said...

@ Miss T, if your theory about Manny is true, I would have to believe he would be much more concise and intelligent. He also would have NO room for grammatical or spelling errors. The horror! Also, I don't think Gillian would take offense...I think she was more offended that he wrote her a message that took 18 hours to read.

Haughty by Nature said...

@ Kristen Maybe this is why he is online dating...because he rambles so much that no one can stand to be around him. Plus, I'm suspicious when people in their EARLY twenties are on Match. Aren't you in college? Don't you have some friends? Shouldn't it be pretty easy to meet people?

Haughty by Nature said...

@ Alyssa "P.S wanna bang?" would be waaaaaaay to short. He would write three paragraphs about making love or something.

Haughty by Nature said...

@ Anonymous Maybe he does need to lay off the 80s high school romance movies for awhile.

Katie said...

O.M.G. Literally crying with laughter right now. Why are ANY of us on Match.com. Seriously?!?

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