What's Your (New) Sign?

Apparently I'm going to have to find a new pick up line. According to this article, the astrological signs have changed over time and we're now a month "off" from the dates that traditional astrology swears by. According to the article, I'm really a Pisces instead of an Aries. Oh, and they randomly threw in a thirteenth sign (Ophiuchus?) after some jibber jabber about a wobbly celestial equator. Huh?

What.the.hell? Being an Aries was what I've used to excuse my bitchy, arrogant, and bossy behavior for the past 25 years. (What? I can't help it. It's in my stars.) Now I'm suddenly supposed to be a Pisces? No can do. They can't just throw this at me and expect me to change who I am.


The article goes on to state that only 25% of people "believe" in the current astrological signs. While I don't look to a one-sentence blurb in the newspaper to predict my day (unless it happens to say I'm going to meet a tall dark stranger), I do believe the personality profiles of these signs tend to be dead-on. For example, in this book "Goddess Power" that I found for 99 cents at a used bookstore, says:

              "Impulsive, impatient, and demanding instant gratification, the Aries woman
               can act out both selfishness and an emotional immaturity that makes her
               difficult to be around. There can be a 'me, first' or a 'me, me, me' attitude that
               can dominate and alienate others."

Um, hello? Hits the nail on the head. (Please see title of this blog for proof.) Especially since, as a teenager, my parents described me as living in an Ensley-centric Universe. (My response: Why the heck would I want to live anywhere else?) In fact, they still probably think this, but the gravitational pull is far less since I flew the coop. On the brighter side, it also says:

             "Classic extroverts, the Aries spirit gets even brighter through her ability to befriend            
               with less light, fewer gifts, and less natural advantages."

Duh! I totally use my popularity for good. Like helping the boring, stupid, ugly people. (What? Read the description again. That's what it says.)

See? Now that I'm a Pisces, I feel the need to apologize for merely being who I am.

So, guess what scientists? I don't believe you. This sounds like another one of those "world is flat" sort of discoveries. When your theory is proven wrong, I'll be waiting to console you and say I told you so. After all, it's what an Aries would do.