Stocking Island, Bahamas
Alvin (who runs one of the beach restaurants), Tori (an American working in the Bahamas), my frenemy Isaac, and myself. Sorry about the rain splatters on my camera lens.
This is a pretty accurate depiction of ol' Scotty.
Monday, January 3, 2011
The thing about celebrating New Year's in an Out Island of the Bahamas is that you have to be sassy in order to survive. (Per-FECT!) You, being a white girl of smallish (?) stature are surrounded by droves of very large Bahamian men who are constantly catcalling and tsk-ing at you (apparently they think that I find this attractive, which is interesting). Not only do you have to practice The Look of disdain, but you occasionally have to let them know when they have stepped over the line.
Case in point: Isaac. Isaac is a very nice Bahamian in his mid 30s. Unfortunately for poor Isaac, he decided it would be a good idea to grab my upper arm fat muscle and say "Woooo, girl. You got somethin' to grab ON TO!"
Big mistake. Big, biiiiig mistake.
He was lucky that I was double-fisting, and therefore rendered unable to slap him on his face. But I DID have a lot of rum in my bloodstream, so my voice was sufficiently loud.
"ISAAC! You do NOT tell an American they've got "something to grab on to". American girls want to be told they have NOTHING to grab on to. Nothing! We like to be compared to skin and bones. Rude.
Anyways, he apologized, and I not only got him to buy me a drink out of guilt but also felt like I had done the world a favor by passing along this information. You're welcome, world!
Then I met Scott*. Big, fat Scott. Scott is sailing with his super cool Australian uncle for a couple of months. Unfortunately, Scott is neither Australian or the least bit cool. He is however, fat, lazy, boring, rude, and able to trap people in conversations that have no meaning or value for seemingly hours on end. Here is a little snippet of our beautiful exchange:
Scott: Nah. He'll be fine.
Me: Um, what? No, he won't. I just tried to help him but I wasn't really strong enough.
Scott: So, what? You want me to like, apologize to you? I'm not doing that.
Me: (Pause for a beat.) Nooooo. But it will be a little hard to get home safely when your dinghy is full of water and stranded on the beach.
Scott then proceeds to put his hand in my face as in "talk to the hand". For real? Who DOES that?
Luckily for him, my double-fisting drinks were empty and I was rendered unable to throw one of them in his face.
Luckily for me, my Bahamian friend Isaac chose that moment to come up and ask "is this guy bothering you?", to which I smiled at him sweetly, batted my eyelashes, and replied "Yes. Yes he is".
And then I left Fatty Fatty No Friends to deal with my new Bahamian friend (and all of his Bahamian friends).
Welcome to the Bahamas, sucker!
So, even though I got my arm fat squeezed, wish I could have had a few more words with a certain overweight loser, and had to pull dinghies full of water up onto the beach in my cute clothes, I still had a great time. I love 2011!
What sort of debauchery did you lovely readers experience on New Year's Eve? What do you love about 2011?
*This is totally his real name. Whatever...he deserves it.
Posted by Haughty by Nature at 9:00 AM