And the Oscar Goes To...

Maybe I'm becoming more cultured than I think.

It's always a bit soul-crushing when the Oscar nods come out and you've seen nary a one of the Best Picture nominees. But it seems my streak is over: I've actually seen one of the films on the list! (But only one.)

Still. Baby steps people.

And I have really, really good reasons for not seeing the rest. Check it out:

2011 Best Picture Nominees
Black Swan: Everyone that I asked about this told me that it contains disturbing images from which I would never recover (so what? I get freaked out easily). If I'm going to put myself through that, I might as well watch Bridalplasty. I'm intrigued, but not enough to lose sleep over it.
Inception: Not only is this the only nominee I've actually seen, it has Leonardo Dicaprio and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Nothing disturbing about that. My vote for Best Picture! (Though, based on the contents of this post, I'm pretty sure my vote doesn't carry much weight.)
127 Hours: Since this is about that hiker who had to saw off his arm to escape from under a boulder, I'm going to have to go with the Bridalplasty argument again. Though  slightly curious about how they make James Franco look as if he's chopping off his own body part, it's not enough to subject myself to possible mental scarring.
The Social Network: I thought this was just a "movie about Facebook". Since I spend the majority of my free time on FB anyway, I thought I could just imagine what it was about. Oops. Guess that's not really the same.
Winter's Bone: Has anybody heard of this? Anybody?
The King's Speech: Seems pretty inspiring, but again...for $12 a ticket, I need to be sure.
The Fighter: How many movies need to be made about punching other people in the face as a profession? Lame.
The Kids Are All Right: I've actually been meaning to see this. Juliana and Annette? Lesbian couple whose children want to contact their sperm donor? Sounds like a recipe for entertainment to me.
Toy Story 3: Huh? Don't they have an animated category for this stuff? Buh-bye.
True Grit: Considering I haven't talked to one single person whose seen this, nor seen even a glimpse of a preview, I'm going to have to cross my arms, furrow my brow, and give the Academy a "Really?" on this one. (I'm sure they're quaking in their seats and instantly regretting their decision.)

So...basically the nominees can be divided into the following categories:

1. Super Awesome:
Inception

2. Rent These:
The Kids are Alright
The King's Speech
The Social Network

3. Avoid Unless Emotional Disturbance is the Goal:
Black Swan
127 Hours

4. Who the H-E-L-L Nominated You for Best Picture?
The Fighter
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone

Any thoughts? If you are willing to front me the ticket price, I'll be glad to change my opinion on any of the above movies that I haven't seen. Until then, let the Academy know that I am not at all pleased. And pass the popcorn, please.