The No-Dating To Do List

Things to Do (When You Aren't Dating and Won't For a Long Time Due to Living in the Middle of Nowhere)

1. Watch the Food Network
2. Vacuum dust bunnies out of the corners of your house
3. Watch HGTV
4. Read a magazine
5. Pick out your outfits for the week
6. Call your friends and realize you have nothing to talk about except work
7. Polish your silver jewelry
8. Look up cute dogs on Petfinder
9. Rearrange bookshelves by color of the books

Something needs to change, and soon. I'm wasting the few short years when everything is tight and perky living in between a tobacco field and a peanut processing plant. The guys around here decorate their homes with stuffed animals (as in taxidermy, not teddy bears) and think a bright orange hunting hat is a style statement.


Aaaaand I'm going to die alone. I'm getting desperate enough that I would totally go on a date with one of those weirdos that used to message me when I was trying online dating.

Sigh. What do I do?