Ensley: Kickball Superstar, Dating Disaster

I wrote yesterday's post right before I headed to my kickball game. I'd had a pit in my stomach all day that a certain someone had read the post about him, despite me being under the impression he hadn't the slightest idea about my blog.

Guess what? I was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I knew what had happened as soon as I walked up to our group at kickball and didn't get so much as a hello. That shoulder was so cold it might as well have been ice.

Oops.

[Side note: Awkwardness must fuel the tiny bit of athleticism running in my blood, because I was up to bat with 2 strikes and 2 fouls and managed a sweet kick that got me to second base. Just saying...it was the most athletic moment of my life. We still lost, though.]

I didn't think the bar after the game was the most appropriate place to discuss my verbal internet diarrhea, but I did issue him a long and sincere apology message when I got home. He deserved it, and I am sorry. My friend Caroline said I should come with a warning label (like tequila): Please Date Responsibly.

For the first time in my life, I'm better at sports than I am at dating. (Which just goes to prove how bad I am at dating.) Thanks for your comments and support yesterday, though everyone is being way too nice to me. (Maybe because they're afraid I'll blog about them otherwise...which, let's be honest, I totally would.) I'm checking this one off as "lesson learned", while at the same time enjoying my career as a professional kickball player.

Oh, and learning to keep my mouth shut at least 1% of the time. (It's a struggle, people!)

Honesty...the Best Policy?

In the past couple of months my blogs have gotten exceedingly more personal. As vulnerable as I felt at first, the more open my posts tend to be, the better the response. My hits have quadrupled and then some. (Ka-ching!)

With this meteoric rise (what? That is what they'll say someday) have come some hurt feelings. The fact is, I do exaggerate and embellish in my writing, but I do the same in real life. I'm dramatic, I exaggerate, and I'm animated. It's just who I am. This is a blog about my life from my perspective. And from my perspective, if you don't want me to discuss something you did or said to me, then don't do it in the first place. I never intentionally post things on here to hurt someone's feelings, but instead to draw humor from the absurd situations I seem to find myself in. (I seem to find myself in them more frequently than most.)

With that, I deleted my post from today about my date. I consider myself an open book, but I realize that there are other people involved who might not be as eager for me to share the details of their lives, or my opinions about them.

As always, I'm a work in progress. To other bloggers...how do you find a balance between honesty and privacy?

And remember: if you don't have anything nice to say, sit next to me. (Just make sure you say it's off the record.)

The Real Cost of Dating

Besides your dignity and hope, that is.

Match.com recently put together this survey on the "cost" of dating. Since it didn't resemble  a spreadsheet, I actually read it. My only question is, who are the 50% of women who are ok with a date paying with a coupon? And what about the 5% who are ok with a no financial cost date? (What the hell would you be doing?)

Do you agree or disagree with the findings? Will you be spending your tax return on an IRA? (Hello, sexy!)

I Lurve Jenna Lyons

Since I don't watch morning news shows, I totally missed this controvery over the recent j.crew ad featuring Jenna Lyons' pink-toenail painted son.

Natch, Fox News was all over it, and (luckily for us) so was Jon Stewart. I found this video on Baxter Sez and had to share it with you. I think it's adorable, but the media thinks otherwise. They are trying to make their homophobia as concern, but not doing a very swell job. What do you think about the whole thing? What would you do if your son liked to paint his toenails pink? I'm pretty sure I would just beg to borrow this shade, but we know how I love Essie. Watch below:

The Daily Show - Toemageddon 2011 - This Little Piggy Went to Hell
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

Online Dating Antics

Just when we thought we'd received messages from every online dating weirdo in the world, the skies opened up. Like manna from heaven, my friend Gillian sent me this gem from her (obvi) future husband. Love is in the air, people! And no, she did not make this up. There are really people like this in the world. And they reproduce. 

Hi, 

How are you? m bit anxious as this would be the first and last chance for me to make an impression on you , never wrote to a girl on this. 

You are blessed with a really innocent beautiful eyes and a cute smile- Frankly, I got my heart pumping when I saw u at first. So much peaceful to eyes. Really Impressed with your views and profile details - seems quite beautiful n real as your appearance, again your smile (touch wood). **(Side bar- wtf does this mean?!)

So refreshing and can heal anything, by your thoughts and appearance you are really dream-girl for every man :) 

It wld be a pleasure to interact with you :-p 

Really, speaking from heart and nothing to do with flirt. just want to get along with you as a friend to start with. 

If you feel like these thoughts hit on you, plz reply back bcoz genuine guys are rare... :) 
Wish you all Good Health, good luck, Lods of Care and Smiles, 
AK"

Woof. 

Lady Gaga: Freak or Fabulous?

I'm all for Lady Gaga's envelope pushing. She's weird, she's sexual, and you can't really understand what she's saying. I love it. Plus, I like her music (minus Born This Way, which I think is a total Madonna "Express Yourself" rip-off). I appreciate people who want to be and sound different from everyone else out there. (Even if she does wear raw meat. It is gross, which is why you shouldn't eat it. And also why you should read my other blog, The Preppy Vegan.)

But...we might have gone a little too far with this one. She showed up on Jay Leno with these interesting new additions to her face:

Read the rest of the article here.

..and then wouldn't confirm whether they were actually implants or convincing prosthetics.

My thing is, if you are going to do something totally cray-cray like this, you need to own it. People are going to be curious. Just answer the damn question. I'm not even turning on the radio on the way to work this morning, because I'm sure this is all they'll be talking about.

So..what do you think? Artistic expression or desperate cry for attention?

You Had Me At Your Username

You’ve chosen the best pictures from that vacation in Florida and poured your heart out about you do in your free time (polka dancing, anyone?). Your Match.com profile must be complete, right?

Not quite.

While pictures and descriptions are important, it's your username that can tell your potential love about you before he/she even sees your picture. Too general, and you won’t catch their attention; too specific, and you may have them thinking you have nothing in common. And this is before they’ve even read your profile!

So what’s a guy/gal to do? Luckily, I’ve compiled a Top 5 Do’s and Don’ts List to help you create the username that will help you stand out and get noticed for being you, only Haughty-er.  

Do make it genuine. “Lookin_for_tru_luv” may indeed be what you’re after, but isn’t that why most people are on the site? Think about what makes you different from everyone else, and try to incorporate that into your username.

Don’t create a random assortment of letters and numbers. JRC may be your initials, and 2004 may be the year your beloved Fluffy went on to the great litterbox in the sky, but I won’t know any of that by seeing that “JRC2004” winked at me.

Do get specific. “Teacher_gal” or “DogLover” might describe you perfectly, but they describe a lot of people perfectly. “Beer_Connisseur” or “Hiking&HighHeels” are more fun and would showcase your (awesome) personality.

Don’t just tell people what you think they want to hear. Getting a message from “GoodGuy1984” just tells me that he’s either been burned before, or is trying to up his “awwww” factor. Neither makes me want to hit “reply”. 

Do have fun with it. Instead of calling yourself “FunnyGirl80”, why not actually say something clever? (Like...I don't know...HaughtybyNature?) Don’t be afraid to take a risk and be yourself.

Remember, if your matches couldn’t see your picture, your username is their sole first impression of you.  What do you want that impression to be?

And P.S., for those of you who told me I was crazy for not liking the Facebook stalker? Well, Match.com's relationship expert Whitney Casey happens to agree with me. Watch it and weep. Then take back that time you called me lame for not appreciating a Friend request before the first date. (Rude.)