Monday, November 8, 2010

Single and Ready to Mingle

A dangerous epidemic has had an outbreak in Charlotte recently. It tends to be most common in 20-something women who have the privilege of calling themselves my friends. Its symptoms often include: excessive whining, pouting, and overall sad-facing about being single. 

Would you like that whine in red or white? Enough already.

Call me crazy, but I love being single. Every day that I come home, slap on some sweatpants, pop a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, and settle down to watch Real Housewives, I thank my lucky stars that no one is depending on me for a piping hot dinner or lifelong companionship.  For a couple of weeks I was dating a guy who called me once every seven days or so. Hello, smothered? Give me some space already, I feel like the walls are closing in! I’m not a lady of leisure who has THIRTY MINUTES to spend on the phone every week. (Though I do spend two hours watching Real Housewives. I obviously have my priorities straight.)

Which brings me to my new life goal: to date someone who works all the time. Then I could watch Real Housewives without feeling embarrassed, he’d buy me things out of guilt for being gone all the time, and I could probably still eat Lean Cuisines.  A girl can only dream…

This year, a lot of my friends (myself included) will turn 25.  I’ve already attended a few birthday dinners in which the honoree teared up over her tequila shots martinis and moaned “I’m just not where I thought I’d be when I turned (sob) TWENTY-FIVE!”
Hey, birthday girl? You’re probably “not where you thought you’d be” because you’re still drunk crying, which I’m pretty sure the rest of us got out of our systems freshman year. Of high school.

So you thought you’d be engaged by now and you’re not. Bummer. At 25 I thought I’d for sure be able to afford Target clothes whenever I wanted, and I can’t. Sad. Let’s sum up: I still have a Target clothing budget and you’re still single. Life goes on.

Think back to all of your sucky ex-boyfriends who were more devoted to College Gameday than your relationship, bought you crappy presents, and never hit it off with your girlfriends. Would you rather be married to them? If the answer is “yes”, please stop reading, because you really should spend your lucid hours reading “Co-Dependent No More” or something.

Here’s my cure for the epidemic: Buy a new outfit. Go out with your friends. Flirt. Stop beating yourself up over what you don’t have and start appreciating what you do. Read My Every Single Thought by Corinne Mucha. Remember that the Universe is on your side in everything you do. And for heaven’s sake, stop the drunk crying. 



5 comments:

Fabulously Awkward said...

Hahaha. Amen. I think you have that "not where I thought I would be" at ___ (insert age) more times than just twenty-five. Learning to live with that and making yourself happy, you get over it.

Sounds like you've got a good attitude. Bravo.

Jamie said...

Great post. I'm not single anymore and haven't been in a long time, but there is a lot to celebrate about it! Just thinking about not having to clean up after someone else, share a car, share a bed, etc.... It definitely has its upsides :)

Kristen said...

Are you reaaaaalllllyyyyy over your drunk crying? If yes, I know for a FACT you were doing it in college. :)

Great post. Totally makes me feel better!

Kate Murray said...

This just made my day. haha loves!

Ensley said...

Kristen, I believe that was YOU that was doing the drunk crying...I was waaaaaay above that in college.

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