Gems, Jets, Percocets

After a l-o-n-g day with the kiddos yesterday, I attempted an hour of yoga drinking in search for relaxation. Turns out, all I need was my TiVo, where this haughty little clip was waiting for me. The Dish is my favorite show, especially since they spend half of every episode making fun of Real Housewives.

Better Than Uppers

Between the pee pee pants, temper tantrums, booger picking, and other joys of spending my days with 5 year olds,  I was in desperate need of a pick-me-up last week. Instead of crackin' open a cold one (or six), I did what any good little WASP in need of a high does: I found something to monogram. The culprits: my new $5 blue and brown bath towels from Target (what? I'm a t-e-a-c-h-e-r) and L&M Monogramming here in Charlotte. 

Can you tell I was a photography major? Not from this picture. At.All.

Not only was it only $14 per set of towels to be monogrammed, they had them ready the.next.day. 

Holla!

And don't they look pretty? I mean, they would look prettier if they

1) Weren't sitting on my bathroom floor in this photo

2) Hadn't had their picture taken with my blurry phone

But none of that is their fault. 

I can't even tell you what a difference this made in my mood. (You may call this "pathetic" but I would just call you "jealous". Did you see the picture of how cute they are?) Every time I walk into my bathroom I stare at them lovingly, making sure the precious monogram is perfectly straight and centered. (See: cat lady.)

Not only that-I'm somehow more patient with the 5 year olds at work, picking my battles and using softer tones of voice. (FYI, telling a child to "zip your freaking lips" doesn't really sound nice no matter what tone you use. Live and learn.) I even let them have a Taylor Swift dance party this afternoon. Very un-Montessori. Very necessary for my sanity.

Must be the magic of the monogram. 

Or the gallon of Chardonnay I suck down when I get home from work. 

P.S. Apparently bright blue and chocolate brown is good feng shui. Perhaps listening to 5 year old tattletales all day negates the positive effects of feng shui, since I feel neither balanced nor calm. Hmmm.

I Can Do Anything Good

This is my kind of girl...happy and Haughty. If only we all looked in the mirror every morning and said "I can do ANYTHING good!" (Oh wait, I already do that.)

Pearls and Ponies/Legally Fabulous

Ok so I don't even have a "blogs of the week" column, but these two make me want to start one.

Both are slightly related to dear ol' Haughty by Nature in the fact they are pretty, preppy, and funny (what? no point in wasting time on false modesty). Both also seem to be effortlessly cooler and sassier. Haughty by Nature would be the red-headed stepsister of these two blogs.

Check them out and let me know what you think!

Pearls and Ponies

Legally Fabulous

Queen of the Fag Hags

Opened up this email from my dear friend Jeremy this morning. All I can say is thanks...I guess? I mean, he did compare me to Perez Hilton and David Sedaris, so I really can't complain, but then there were the parts about farting and Fag Hags...read on.

Jeremy and I as Britney and K-Fed circa Halloween 2008

Hey girl,

I was just catching up on your blog, and I forgot how much I desperately need you as my Queen Fag Hag. That's right, I just offered you the most desirable position any woman would truly die for. This opportunity won't last long (actually, it will last indefinitely until you decide to accept)...so act fast...or not. 

You should really consider writing...not full time, because I'm sure the children need you more, but certainly as a hobby. And by hobby, I mean one that pays. You are ridiculously good! You remind me of a female Perez Hilton, minus the ugliness and lack of classiness. Actually, if you have never read David Sedaris, you really should because I look forward to your writing just as much as I do his. He is, by far, my favorite writer, which puts you at either a tie, or close second.

(P.S., I'm in Starbucks right now, and I actually just farted out loud. Nobody heard...I think, but I had to admit it to someone that it actually just happened. Whatever, coffee makes me gassy.)

Anywho, write back and come visit me soon!

Social Climbers

Check out an interview with the deliciously preppy Beth Dunn , author of Social Climbers , on Tales of An All American Girl .

Seems like I am doing something productive with my sick day after all. (Since I define "productive" as stalking blogs, refusing to change out of my nightgown, and nursing the same cup of coffee all morning.)

Mental Health Checklist

While taking a sick day for my mental health, among other things (like a stomach bug), I have a few things I need to accomplish. Unfortunately I'm easily distracted by early morning talk shows, Google, and basically anything that hinders productivity.

Things I Should Do

 Sleep in

 Return library books

 Pay overdue fines for aforementioned library books

Yoga 

Make phone calls

Begin reading “Pillars of the Earth” for book club

Laundry

Walk Amelia

Things I Will Actually Do

   Wake up at 6:45 and not be able to go back to sleep

 Watch my Tivo-ed Real Housewives of New Jersey

     Shop online 

 Browse Petfinder.com from 9:28-10:07 am

 Read People 

Drink a beer with lunch

     Take a nap
Make Amelia watch four hours of The Dog Whisperer with me