Real Housewives Recap: Bourg-hetto

I meant to post this on Tuesday, but my Teach for America application, grad school work, and need for sleep took preference. I apologize and assure you I'm still fully devoted to Real Housewives of every city. 

Here's why I like RHOATL: They trashy, they aren't really rich, and they rarely know what they're talking about. While many would be disheartened that people so shallow and insignificant get millions of viewers an episode, I'm much less cerebral about the whole thing. Let's get some popcorn and see who pulls Kim's poufy white girl wig this week! (Seriously, though. Is it just me or do they get larger every episode? Chill out homegirl.)

Sheree, formerly my least favorite, has now become a one-woman quote factory in her interviews. Plus, did anyone notice her "Who Gonna Check Me, Boo?" workout shirt? It's already on my Christmas list. Some of the best quotes from Sheree:

In regards to NeNe's plastic surgery: "If I had plastic surgery everytime I had marital problems, I'd look like Dwight."

In regards to NeNe's plastic surgery pt. II: "I'm all real. But now if I started doing the dishes? That would be fake."

Most of this season seems to be devoted to the Black Tammy Faye Baker Phaedra, who never got the memo that maybe a "high-powered entertainment lawyer" shouldn't wear frosted eyeshadow halfway up one's forehead. 

But the woman knows how to throw one heck of a baby shower! Weird interpretive dancing, a waltz with a gay man, white roses in her hair that seemed to have no rhyme or reason...what better way to celebrate a new life joining us on earth? The other Housewives seemed equally appreciative, "Just stab me in the neck and put me out of my misery,", "Keep drinking and it will be alright".

Always the wise sage of the group, Kim offered this advice during the interpretive dancing: "Sit in a f--king rocking chair, open your gifts, eat some cake, and call it a day...even if you're having a girl, this s**t doesn't make sense."

Ah yes, but if it made sense it would be Real Housewives of Atlanta. I leave you with this gem of Kim Zolciak's melodic genuis: