I'm Pretty, I'm Cute, I'm Popular to Boot!

Today was my first REAL day of grad school. Until now I've been taking general, online education classes. Those days are over. I'm in my Art Education Methods class-the real thing. Since I've barely spent any time on UNCC's campus (due to the online-ness of it all), it was like being eighteen all over again as I sped my way to class (was I supposed to stop for pedestrians? Sorry, dude), pulled into the first parking garage I could find (maybe they won't give me a ticket if I park in a really cramped spot?) and walked around with my nose firmly planted in a campus map. (Suck it, haters. All those buildings look the same.)

Except when I was eighteen I had gross frizzy hair, a BMI of YAF (You Are Fat), and stuck in a temporary triple with a girl who had just arrived from Columbia. The country. (I don't really know who the third girl was, since she thankfully spent most of the time at her boyfriend's place. That left me alone with nothing but the Colombian and a language barrier.)

So, luckily, times do change. I have no idea how a sorority let me in looking the way that I did, but I thank mine for realizing that with some highlights, a gym membership, and a whole new wardrobe I, too, could be worthy. (The social awkwardness was a bit more uh, lofty of a challenge.)

So here I am, six years later and walking into a college classroom again, firmly gripping the campus map in my white-knuckled hands. I'm pretty sure I had pit stains while my mind was racing: "Will they like me? Where should I sit? Am I late? Is everyone talking about me and the fact that I'm late? Did I forget pens? Did I forget paper? Am I in the right class? Is my dress tucked into my underwear? Am I even wearing a dress? I have on pants. Is there a rip in my pants? Was there reading assigned? Did I print out the syllabus? Am I the only one who sweats excessively when walking across campus? Do I have pit stains? Don't check, don't check!"

All of this in the 3.5 steps it took me to walk from the door to the first available seat. No one stared. No one pointed. Instead, the girl next to me sweetly introduced herself and struck up a conversation. I felt comfortable asking the professor questions. A strange, peaceful feeling washed over me. I was prepared. 

 Who the hell am I and why did I not notice when an alien invaded my body? 

Of course, now that I've conquered that mountain, another one is before me. Tomorrow will be the first day of school here in Charlotte. I just spent an hour trying on "first day of school" outfits only to wind up choosing the dress I had picked out to begin with. I'll get up early, put makeup on (not always essential when you are surrounded by people who wet themselves) and at 8:45 am I'll be watching my kindergarten and 1st graders parade down the hallway. 

And the whole time I'll be thinking: "Is my dress tucked into my underwear? Did I remember my ID badge? Do I have food in my teeth? Will they like me?"