Monday, August 23, 2010

Don't Tell Nobody...

But I hate “Girls Weekends”.

(As well as “Girl’s Night In, Girl’s Night Out, Girl’s Night Out and About…you get the picture.)

Don't get me wrong. I love my girlfriends. Never one of those women who claimed that she “I just doesn’t get along with girls” , (translation: “I’m a heinous bitch”) I’m 100% a girl’s girl. My favorite conversation topics include (but are not limited to): the most recent US Weekly, Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami, shopping, tiny dogs, working out, and Real Housewives. (I have, on two separate occasions, made boyfriends watch Real Housewives with me. Do I even need to reiterate that I am single? Didn’t think so.)

But facts are facts. I am single. I am a female. It is redundant for me to designate any part of my life for “girl time”. Any way you slice it, all I have is “girl time”. Girls night in! (Elise and I watching the Bachelorette.) Girls Shopping Getaway! (Me circling the parking garage at the local Target.) Girls Night Out! (Wait, is this what I call a weekend in which I don’t meet any boys? Duly noted.)

This bag is stupid.

More than anything, I think it’s the Girls Night Out that seems like the most complete waste of time. You better believe that if I’m shaving my legs, slathering on self-tanner, and stuffing my feet into torture devices  high heels it’s sure as hell not because I want to TALK TO GIRLS ALL NIGHT. If the point of the night is, in fact, to catch up with your girlfriends, why not do it in the peace and quiet of your own apartment? In pajamas, nonetheless. And maybe a face mask? I’ve never heard of Guys Night Out, but that’s because guys (rightfully) deny the validity of an outing where the goal is to not meet chicks.  

This wasn't even a designated girls night

Here’s where I get hypocritical: I actually just got back from an extremely fun and relaxing trip with two of my closest girlfriends. We spent an amazing three days catching up, browsing through sale racks, and seeing movies like Eat, Pray, Love. (Ok so my friend Caroline gave me a bit of a guilt trip on that one. But only because there was a microbrewery that she wanted to take a tour of instead. FYI Caroline? That’s what vacations with your
boyfriend are for. Now stop whining while I put more butter on my jumbo popcorn.)

However, I refused to let anyone refer to it as any sort of female-oriented getaway, even though both of those friends are in serious relationships. Plus, calling it a girls weekend would have been pointless since my friends had to call/text/sext their boyfriends with every detail of our whereabouts. The low point was when Caroline made me take a photo of her to text her boyfriend while we were drinking beer in the hotel room. (Does he not know what you look like while drinking beer? Stop interrupting my happy time.)

Maybe when I’m married I’ll stop being so bitter overanalytical. But (surprisingly, right?) I’m not married. And as of now I live with women, hang out with women, and (being a teacher) work with women.  So save yourself the postage and don't invite me to your estrogen-fest. Know of anyone who's planning a guy's weekend? Sign me up. Please.


Fabulously Awkward said...


P.S. I have always found that those girls who say "I don't have girlfriends," or "I have more friends that are guys" the ones that will sleep with other girls' boyfriends.

haaajew-blessyou said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
haaajew-blessyou said...

Never stop being over-analytical, this is too good.

BTW, guys' night outs include playing sports with each other, which is actually done to get in shape, which is solely for the purpose to get girls more attracted to us. So even when we're not around girls, we're preparing for them. We're always thinking ahead of the game...

Kristin said...

HA, so funny! I completely agree.

P.S. Do you know Gabby Leon?

style'n said...

ha ha this is too funny! Where are all the guys????

Caroline said...

The said "beer" was duck-taped to our hands... I think that justifies a picture sent to the boyfriend. Way to leave that tidbit out. :)

Caroline said...

And the microbrewery would have been a place where guys congregate... Eat, Pray, Love? Not so much.

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