Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Uh-Uh

A lesson in karma: The past few days, I've been trying to cajole my roommates (with no success) into braving the bitter cold and hitting the gym in the mornings before work. "It's so empty!" I tell them enthusiastically, "you'll NEVER have to wait for a machine!" Not suprisingly, they haven't budged. Maybe they knew something I didn't. This morning, the machines were full. No ellipticals or treadmills available as far as the eye could see. And you know who was on them?

Skinny bitches.

Now, if you know me (which you should-I'm great), you know I HATE skinny bitches. To clarify: there is a difference between being thin and healthy (such as in the book Skinny Bitch-which I love) and being a (dreaded) skinny bitch. Skinny bitch ain't natural. Skinny bitch is looking like I could snap you in half like a little toothpick. Skinny bitch is saying things like "I only eat desserts on Tuesdays," or..."I'm sooooo hungry. I need a salad!" A skinny bitch worries about whether she just poured 1 1/4 cups of All Bran vs. the 1 cup serving size, because that might mean thirty or so extra calories. Oh, and after all that? Skinny bitches ALWAYS think that they are "fat". I can't handle it. Just thinking about it makes me want to eat a brownie. For their sake.

How did this happen? Perhaps they had all turned to the side at the same time, rendering them invisible to the naked eye?These women were SCARY looking. It was straight muscle on bone, with no fat or curves for padding. They went straight from running to jump roping to doing pushups. I felt like I was working out just watching them. Why isn't "being critical" a workout? It takes a LOT of effort!

Perhaps in the future I'll be more admiring of the rewards their hard work at the gym has given them. For now, I'll unapologetically mock while not-so-secretly being glad that their existence means more cupcakes for the rest of us...

3 comments:

malsb26 said...

Ens,

reading your blog, takes me back to great memories in our ever popular room at the sorority house...even the dreaded year of the triple... I hear you on the skinny bitches haha .

Miss you and love you,
Mal

michelle said...

girl, you are a mess!! i'm glad you realized that a skinny bitch is a evil bitch and needs to be destroyed!!! I'm so glad you're having fun in NYC and I cant wait to get up there and maybe hang out!! check out my blog at nothisgirldidnot.blogspot.com and read about my stupid rut! luv ya girl!!

michelle e.

dreaming in pink and green said...

hahahaha, this post is GREAT. "Skinny bitches ALWAYS think they are "fat". I can't handle it. Just thinking about it makes me wan to eat a brownie. For their sake."

LOVE THIS

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