After a great beach trip with my girls this past weekend, I've decided to kick my workouts into high gear in the hopes that I can reenter civilization this summer while looking smokin' hot. Oh, and because I'm banking on endorphins to power me through the last part of the school year. (Please. God.)
My first stop: Pilates, for those enviable, Jennifer Aniston-while-paddleboarding flat abs.
 |
| You know, like that. |
Case in point? There were four people in my Pilates class last night. Including the instructor. While I tend to think of Pilates as "an hour-long class designed to increase core strength and produce long, lean muscles", the ladies were going in more of a "let's discuss personal information at an extremely high volume for the entire class period" direction. Just a snippet of what I listened to while trying desperately to follow instructions:
"So, Nance, didya hear about Billy Jr. getting his wisdom teeth out? I heard he had five teeth up in there. Sure did. FIVE teeth! (Feet in the air. Lower them down on the exhale, raise 'em up on the inhale.) I was like 'Are they gonna charge you extra for all them extra teeth' and his mom was like 'I sure hope not, it's costing me an arm and a leg pump him full of Vicodin'! I know that's right. (Leg in the air! Draw cantaloupe sized circles. Now the other direction!)Wouldn't you know they found a cyst up in there too. Five teeth AND a cyst? Sure did. She said she's got him on Vicodin, an anti-inflammatory, Advil, and an antibiotic. And wouldn't you know, Billy Sr. came home fussin' and hollerin' that she was doping him up. Looks like he's the real pill!*
Har har har.
What. the. heck.
Did it ever occur to anyone that:
1) I might not have any idea who Billy Jr. is, and
2) the last thing I want to hear about is his delightful-sounding cyst and soon to be dependence on prescription drugs?
I might be sticking to the workout videos from here on out. Sigh. What's a girl gotta do to get a beach body these days?
*This conversation has not been exaggerated for humorous purposes. Verbatim people, verbatim.
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