I apologize for the radio silence here on Haughty by Nature for the past three weeks. Let me describe to you a sample of the things I've been doing in lieu of blogging:
Paperwork. Lesson plans. Filing paperwork. Revising lesson plans. Explaining to parents that their child can't read. Explaining to parents that their child can read but sits there like a bump on a log and therefore has a zero in my class. More paperwork. Meetings. Scrubbing "Blood Killers" off my desk that someone had scratched there in pencil. Writing referrals. Picking people's desks up and slamming them down when they fell asleep in class. More paperwork. Meetings. Throwing T.'s journal across the room like a frisbee before and screaming at him to get to the office. Doing vocabulary drills. Wiping away a dyslexic child's tears after he made a zero on his test because he couldn't read it. Writing notes to parents saying their child works well in small groups. Talking to students in the hallways about why yelling "I'm going to effing kill you" is actually inappropriate in 100% of situations. Talking to students about how it is actually 1) rude and 2) unhelpful to tell one of their group members that they just "can't be helped" before snatching flashcards out of their hands. More paperwork. Yelling at J. to stop pouting about the 46 he got on his test because that's what happens when you don't pay attention while I'm teaching.
And that was just yesterday.
The honeymoon stage is over, and February has been a particularly tough month with the mountain of paperwork I've had to deal with in addition to everything else. I want my life back.
I want to leave work at work and come home and relax. I want to work out. I want to keep in touch with my friends and family. I want to have time to get my haircut and have the money to get my nails done. I need a massage. I want to be able to shut my brain off so that students aren't the last thing I think about before I fall asleep and the first thing I think about upon waking up.
The other hard part about living in this town is that my only friends are teachers, which means conversations inevitably turn to work when we're together. (This doesn't help the brain shut off mentioned earlier.)
I've put in 60 hour weeks every week for the past 3 weeks. There hasn't been a day when I've spent less than 12 hours of work. Basically, I'm burnt out, I'm tired, and there's still 5 weeks until spring break.
Help? How can I recharge?
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2 comments:
I really feel your pain. I feel that for the past year I have had no work/life balance either. I've found that I've got to really capitalize on your non-work time and make the most of it. I've celebrated every weekend that I didn't get called into work and tried to plan something that I really wanted to do those weekends. For example, you could plan trips to see friends every other or every third weekend, which would give you short term goals to look forward to. Also, since you're only doing this particular job for two years, just look at it as only that (i.e. a job not a career) and not something you're stuck doing for the rest of your life. You can probably even count down the weeks until you can leave. I totally empathize with what you're going through. Just remember - another day, another dollar.
I'm sorry you're so burnt out... :(
I'm sure it's hard to do, but try to keep in mind that the work you are doing is SO important and you are making a difference every day in those kids' lives (whether or not it seems like it.)
And with that being said, thanks so much for talking with me the other day- my final interview went amazingly and now I just sit back and wait for final notification day... if I'm lucky by this time next year I might be pulling my hair out just like YOU! ;)
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