Diets That Work...If You're Not Me

On my way home from my recent trip to Miami, (my brain was all fried from days spent in the sun/possibly still hungover from one too many Fat Tuesday's mango daiquiris) I made the poor life choice (#457,290) to waste $3.99 on the Diet That Work issue of US Weekly. (Even grosser that it had Kim K. on the cover. Ew. Ew. Ew.)

To save yourself the money that could go towards a vegan Starbucks latte, I'll give you the gist. Sign up for one of the meal delivery services like celebrities do for on $25-$75 a day! How easy is that? Oh, and workout everyday for like three hours. I mean, wow. Where have I been? 

P.S. Kim Khardasian only lost weight because she took that gaudy 22 carat diamond off of her finger. (Don't act like it's not true, girl.) (P.S. Everything she does annoys me, but not enough to turn down the purchase of a tabloid magazine.)

P.P.S Every celebrity would be as "fluffy" as I am if their only gym for 25 miles was a one room, three machine YMCA. (This is not an exaggeration.)

Of course, no where does it mention the real diet that works: a whole foods, plant based diet that saves money and your health in the process. (But why do that when you could eat 200 calories, shrink-dried meals and starve yourself?)

Ugh. Am I the only one who gets sucked into this magazine? (I still secretly love it. Don't hate.)

While making poor magazine choices, I also had to laugh out loud at this one:

Riiiiggght. I'm pretty sure the thought of being "undateable" has never crossed Pippa's mind, especially now. Don't hate on a playa!