Bridal Bootcamp: Why Lord, Why?

You may have read this post in which I mentioned an freakish desire to work out. Let's just say that won't be happening again anytime soon.

This? Is stupid. 

Luckily for my lazy ass me, my cable company offers Exercise TV On Demand, so it's not like I actually have to make an effort to work out. I perused through some of the thirty minute videos (what? I'm not looking to run a marathon here) but had done most of them within the last couple of weeks. (Either that, or they seemed to require a lot of effort on my part.) One of the few I hadn't done was called "Bridal Bootcamp" and promised me "full body strength moves with cardio interval bursts to crank up your metabolic meter". I wasn't quite sure what my metabolic meter was, but I decided it definitely needed a little cranking up. I figured that, as long as the trainer wasn't wearing a veil, it couldn't be too bad.

Wrong.

During every strength move this large breasted, tiny trainer attempted to motivate me by saying things like "Feel.the.burn. Strap.less.gown."

Right...that's not happening.

During our cardio portions, her boobs she would be bouncing up and down while panting "You're going to look GREAT at your wedding!".

Once again: a hypothetical wedding doesn't exactly make me want to do that extra set of jumping jacks. While I'm sure I will look great at my wedding, right now I'm more focused on just getting a second date with someone.

Like most of my poor life choices, I have no one to blame for this but myself. My question is, why aren't there any "Groom Bootcamp" videos? Based on my current dating experiences, there are plenty of men out there that could stand a few less Busch Lights and a few more jumping jacks. (Perhaps an English class as well.)