Haughty Hostess

Sometimes I wonder how I would spend my time if I weren't in grad school, and now that finals are over I have my answer(s). They include, but are not limited to: yoga, watching tv, reading for pleasure, jogging, walking, actually spending time with my roommate, running errands, and catching up with friends. I decided to spend last night doing the latter, and for some reason offered to cook for said friend, though I did warn her it was at her own risk. Fully informed, she reluctantly agreed. (But not before asking if I was sure I didn’t want to go out to eat.)

After getting home from work, I hastily ran around attempting to make my apartment look like it was emerging from the pages of Southern Living, and I have to say I did a pretty nice job. Candles were lit, the Christmas tree was twinkling in the corner, pillows were fluffed. However, in doing all of this I also forgot to preheat my oven, resulting in my guest having a prettttty long wait for her dinner to arrive on the table. I also had no appetizers or dessert. But hey, the smoke alarm only went off one time!

Note to self: Asking your guest to bring wine and then guzzling half the bottle by yourself while justifying that you “had a bad day” still makes you look like a lush. Oh well. I'll own that.

In essence, the key to a great dinner party isn’t being worried about drinking too much or counting how many times the smoke alarm starts screaming. (3? 5? I’ve had too much wine to remember.) It’s about having the gem of a guest who will still enjoy your company while you are doing all of the above and muttering four-letter words about the oven taking so long to preheat.

On a positive note, I made her Feta Chicken and Curried Rice, which she not only liked but went back for seconds. And as far as I know, she hasn’t experienced food poisoning. (But then again, I haven’t heard from her today.)

Me cooking + no one has to go to the ER afterwards?

Success!

Life Advice from Four Year Olds

Whenever I find myself at my wit's end in terms of patience, one of my students will unfailingly say something awesome. Like today, when I had to walk my friend pre-K friend Pat to the bathroom.

Pat: I know a shortcut from the library to the bathroom.

Me: What is it?

Pat: Just turn into a ghost and drift right through the wall!

Me (after pausing for a beat): Right on.  

Haute Reads: Kissing Frogs

On the same note as Why Men Love Bitches, head on over to Kissing Frogs and read her post on dating, appropriately titled "bitch?". If you can't relate, then we shouldn't be friends.

Your 5 Love Non-Negotiables

If you watch Millionare Matchmaker more than you should as much as I do, you've probably heard Patti Stanger ask her clients for their 5 Non-Negotiables. This is is a list of 5 qualities or traits your partner must have. My girlfriends and I spent our Sunday morning discussing ours, and sometimes it's surprisingly difficult to whittle down what you need vs. what you want. However, I fully believe that you can't get where you're going without a road map, and that you have to know what you want in order to get it! (Sometimes you know what you want and still haven't gotten it. For example: my constant chants of "I want a Chanel quilted chain purse...I want a Chanel quilted chain purse" have failed to land a buttery lambskin handbag with interlocking C's on my doorstep, but I'm sure it's only a matter of time.)

Ensley's 5 Relationship Non-Negotiables:

1. Makes me laugh

2. Adventurous

3. Thoughtful

4. Wants children

5. Has a job he is passionate about (or is at least working towards it)

What are your 5 Relationship Non-Negotiables? Are you currently dating someone who meets some/all/none of them? If you are in a relationship, are they all fulfilled? Leave me a comment and let me know!

The Difference If You Marry A Southern Girl

This joke showed up in my inbox the other day...figured many of you would relate!

Three friends married women from different parts of the US .

The first man married a woman from Wisconsin . He told her that she was

to do the dishes and house cleaning.  It took a couple of days, but on

the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and

put away.

The second man married a woman from New Jersey . He gave his wife orders

that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.  The first

day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By

the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and

there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from North Carolina . He ordered her to keep

the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot

meals on the table for every meal.  He said the first day he didn't see

anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,

some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his

left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a

sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he

pees.

Quote of the Day

    "I like to share my imperfections and vulnerabilities. 

This impossible pursuit of youth and perfection is not for me."

-Diana Kruger, InStyle December 2010

Haute Reads: Why Men Love Bitches

Basic Premise: In 11 short chapters, WMLB promises to take you from “doormat to dreamgirl”, and learn to hold your own in a relationship. 

Listen, I used to be one of those single girls. The one wringing her worried hands, waiting for Prince Charming to show up on the doorstep. When frogs showed up instead of Charming himself, I told myself it was fine because I thought anything, anything was better than being alone.

Then I read this book. 

And I told that girl to shut the hell up.

In 245 pages, Sherry Argov boldy and hilariously told me everything I had been doing wrong (which was a lot) and exactly what to change in the future. (She’s totally Haughty by Nature!) She showed me that I'd been guilty of bending over backwards, being too available, and not putting a man in his place when he stepped over the line towards disrespect. And this was only in the first paragraph!

Sherry insists that she isn’t using the conventional definition of the word “bitch”. Instead, she defines a bitch as a woman who is kind, strong, and who won’t give up her life or chase a man. One who stands up for herself when he steps over the line.

Seems simple, right? It is. The book isn’t about changing who you are or becoming someone you’re not. It’s about learning to let a man earn you instead of chasing him. About realizing that being alone is better than settling. And knowing that, when you respect yourself above all else, he will as well.

So, I tried it. It was? Amazing.

I was getting phone calls for dinner dates instead of 3am texts. Doors were opened, chairs were pulled out. Once I got it into my mind that the only effort I needed to make was letting myself be chased, it was a freaking stampede.  I didn’t go out of my way-if I got a call or text while I was busy, I simply responded the next day. If I was asked out on a day that wasn’t good for me, I simply said so and offered no excuses or explanation.

I wasn’t playing hard to get, I was hard to get. I realized just how busy and full my life is, and was unwilling to change it to fit in a date or two. Instead, I let them work around my schedule.

Now I’m a different kind of single girl. One who holds her self-respect above all else. Who knows that being alone is a lot better than being with someone who doesn’t deserve her. And one who realizes dating can be fun, and not something to be dreaded on your way to Happily Ever After.

For the good of womankind, buy it for all those girlfriends who call and sob, "Why doesn't he LOVE me?" (This is even more effective than telling them to put their big girl panties on and deal.with.it.) Then tell them to read this, sit back, and enjoy.